Friday, May 24, 2019

Keeping Records

Mother's Day came and went this year... and although the thought crossed my mind several times to throw up a post on that day... I never got the chance. For some reason, I felt I should have since this in a sense is my "mommy blog"... but here is the truth....  life is full and being able to come here and jot down some thoughts is a luxury to me that is not feasible at times. Now, today I have the luxury because my husband and I are on our tradition of getting away from the kids when commemorating our anniversary. This year marks 17 years!

Yes... lots of ups and downs... but still counting...

I think one of the things I struggle with is tailoring my expectations when it comes to how difficult situations get resolved.  It seems that no matter how much I tell my brain that my approach to things may not be the best way and it's ok if there is another way... deep down my heart is not convinced and thinks I know best. When things go well, then it's fine... little issue arises.  However, when things do not go fine... contempt and or resentment can build up.  Even if I don't say it out loud my inner being is screaming, "I told you so! I should have taken control."  It is not very rational if I analyze it from a distance and again my brain can agree that that should not be. How many times have I been wrong and the other way was better?  However, it is strange how deep down in some secret compartment... all the times I've been right is stored up... and all the times I've been wrong just gets kinda tossed.

Now the flip happens too...

1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.   

We are not supposed to keep record of wrongs... the other person's wrongs that is. I get it.. but deep down in another secret compartment they must be storing up... honestly, I feel it gets there sometimes without passing through my brain... then I'm surprised when it comes to the surface and I realize, "O - I suppose I did keep a record of that!"

All this to say... love is hard... especially love the 1 Corinthians 13 way...
I don't think I can do it on my own.  It really does require divine intervention for me... but how can God divinely intervene in me if I've got my ipods on and I'm listening to a different tune?

I started writing this blog without a clear idea of what I wanted to blog about... but this must be something I've been throwing around in my head and heart.

Sigh... happy marriage to us and to all the married couples out there! Keep on keeping on...

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