Tuesday, April 27, 2010


This morning the little one woke up to feed at around 5am-ish. I was hoping she'd fall right back asleep and I could sneak another 2 hrs of sleep in before having to get up to start my work day. However, her diaper felt giganormous! So I debated whether I should just ignore it and put her down to sleep as usual or whether she would sleep better if she had clean diapers on. Well, I ended up changing her diaper which woke her up completely. In fact, she was pretty unhappy that I woke her up and didn't even want to finish nursing. She cried and cried. I really didn't want to wake up the older one (there is only a thin wall separating the two baby rooms) so I headed back to my room.

So now, I've woken up my husband (which actually doesn't always happen... sometimes I believe he can sleep through anything!). Since trying to nurse my little one only made her more angry, I stopped trying. At this point, my husband became fully awake and decided to take over trying to calm down screaming baby. I took this as my cue to try to get some zzz's since it doesn't make practical sense for both of us to be up so early at the crack of dawn. At least one of us should get some sleep if the other is going to be up, right?

However, no matter how I tried.. I just laid there listening to the cries. I also kept opening my eyes to offer my two cents of wisdom... "did you try putting her down to see if she will just fall asleep?" "did you try the pacifier?" Ohh.. why can't I just relax.. chill... fall asleep and let hubby do the calming down since he took over? There are countless times when I'm the one up doing the walking back and forth, rocking, bouncing etc trying to calm hysterical baby while hubby is snoring away. Why can't I be snoring away? I don't know... maybe it is a mom thing. When baby fiii-nally fell asleep at around 7ish and I saw my husband emerge from the babyroom, I felt guilty and apologized. For what? I guess I felt guilty for trying to get some sleep while he was awake. I suppose I feel like it is ok if I'm sleep deprived because it is my job and my responsibility to care for the kids when they cry at night. Or maybe it is just me because I am somewhat of a control freak and feel like I have to be the one doing it all. I want to be supermom! Sigh.. but I'm just too tired sometimes...